may 30

Late night pinata house. Back through the black gate into the Streets of Downtown. Past the parade of drunken People dressed for halloween. Into a open mic music club where only ciggarettes are allowed only to be back out the door going up the long residential streets to finally blaze.

astro projection

well I saw this youtube vid i put a pulliow over my eyes so it was dark and imagined like a infinity sign like if i was wearing infinity sign goggles to lock on to my pineal gland idk like to activate it got really comfotable and i began to... see my room like if my eyes were open i was scared though becuase i feel a presence in my house and i felt like i would see it in the astro plane which i did 0_0 2 of them a tall young guy and a small boy and they ran into my bathroom as if to hide from me becuase they knew i was scared or something idk but i jumped and pulled the pillow off my eyes and kept thinking omg that wasnt a dream

I just dont know anymore

Have you ever felt like your someone else? The observer side of me the thought side of me isnt truely out there. Is that wrong? Are we really just living a dream within a dream. I just feel like screaming and dying and saying FUCK THIS WORLD but I feel like its wrong to do that for some unknown reason to me but this unkown reason is enough for me not to do those things. I wonder if its weird to feel like that. I remember that this world is something not to be taken for granted but why doesnt that moment of remembering stay with me throughout all my moments. Its funny becuase I can get all depressed and pessimistic but in a instant can just laugh it off. I guess cuz I cant take anything about myself too serisouly becuase things are always changing. In ways ranting about depressing thoughts always end up as something I would prefer not to do. I feel like I need to find a way to be more me.

took a nap today and had 2 nightmares and 1 dream

The first dream was kinda emotionally nightmarish. I've been watching that show the secrete life of an American teenager and i blame that show for the cheapness of my dream. I was sleeping in this trailer outside what was our home and there was this wasp trying to sting me. it was horrible. i finally caught it using the blankets and smashed it in have but it was already trying to sting me so all the poison squirted everywhere when i killed it and somehow some of it got on the tip of my tongue and made it burn. I came inside telling my dad about how i was glad I didn't ever really get stung and then my i guess i was in a relationship with some guy who started telling me about how we should try letting him see this other girl because it could help our relationship or something. For some reason i agreed but was very conflicted with the whole situation. She came over and she was perfect. I heard her telling him that her family would love him because he was so handsome and further luring him to her by telling him her family was rich. I took off to the garage of our house were my "friend" was and there was this cool little old style mustang she was fixing. She advised that i should take shop class and fix and drive cool cars because guys think that girls that do that are cool. i ended up just going back inside and wanted to take a shower. I went into the bathroom and it was like this huge room where all these other girls were taking showers too. This one girl was all freaking out because she was extremely shy so i was waiting for her to get out and i woke up.


The next dream i had was short. I heard my boyfriend robert get home from the store and i drifted off into sleep thinking that i was awake i went to our kitchen and started spraying down the kitchen floor so i could mop it but i noticed the door was open . So as i was going to close the door i noticed a dark figure outside the door. I was terrified and because i was scared it seemed that everything was going in slow motion and i was freaking out cuz i didn't think i could close the door fast enough. then i woke up

I drifted off into sleep once again and once again i thought i was awake hanging out in our living room. there were people there who were trying to film ghosts with what looked like an ipod touch. we turned off all the lights and the girl explained that they always try to film oddities because those are the ghosts . instantly i saw a black and white image of a women screaming and we heard her shrill voice with full force and i became paralyzed with fear. i woke up scared of passing out into a nightmare again but i summoned the strength to say my boyfriend Roberts name and it helped me stay awake . I definitely dont want to fall asleep for awhile after that.

Dream log continued

I can remeber 2 dreams yesterday that conneceted.

First I remember being on the roof at The Pinata house and my cousins where there specifically ivan Clar her boyfriend and my brother and I think.
We were about to have a Bud Session when I had to go upstairs to get something. So I starting to head inside and my cousins girl friend cedes was there. She was upset so I hurried past her and saw my aunt working on some star pinatas in the front store room.
I felt guilty about just leaving her to do all the wok alone so I started helping her make some crazy looking purple and blue star pinatas with crimped streamers. I looked twords the back yard becuase I knew everyone was waiting for me and I saw my cousin daniel through the door then I woke up.


The next dream I had was upsetting. I dont recall how it started but we were drinking some beers at the pinata house and my brother josh wanted to go to saint vincents to pick up bud. I was pretty upset becuase we were already all messed up and having a good time. I even tried slapping some sense into him but it was like I had no strength. I saw Daniel taking off through the back gate and I tried stoping him to tell him to talk to my brother and make him change his mind but he just took off which made me feel like he didn't really care which was depressing. In the end me my brother and my cousin chris got in the back seat of a car and started driving I forgot where but it was dark out and I was having a cheap time I was pretty sad. Chris tried making me feel better......but idk. We finally got back and they were having a party for my grandma It was still day out.
For some reason I was in the mode to get ready to leave but I decided to stay becuase in reality thats what I really wanted to do. My cousin yvette and ivan met us at the gate and told me I had to park the car so I started driving and I think chris came with me and we went up on a one way street almost crashing into 2 little boys on their bikes and a white truck becuase the brakes didnt work right. It was horrible I started backing up very quickly and the car was just bearly under my control . I couldn't find any parking so I started go up further down the street and the road started turning into these crazy steep hills with shape curves and for some reason I was trying to drive the car from the back seat and I was freaking out becuase no matter how hard I tried to push the brakes it seemed like I was accidently pressing the pedal for the gas it was like neither pedals could stop the car. It was terrifying . Then I woke up

P.s.

Prologue: I was going through some of my old posts and reading up on my old dreams and its incredible how vague some of those dreams are ,some things I have just completely forgotten, so I decided to write down my dreams more often and observe if this trend continues


Dreams of last night: I was at my old school Manual arts and we were going through the Building where I used to have my math class and i took my boyfriend up to a classroom !!!!!!!!!!!!!!........ (note to self : Love dolls I saw early before sleeping were in my dream -_-) then we went outside for some reason and it had a resident evil feeling to it and for some odd reason there were Zoo animals roaming around everywhere!! We were trying to find another empty room and when I opened the door to another classroom My cousin Daniel was sitting down talking to I forgot who and I was all surprised and like Hey! what are you doing here ^_^ then I woke up

I had another dream that my mom was all stressed out about not getting to go out and for some reason i was telling her to not get so stressed becuase it effects everyone around her . She ended up getting all mad at me and took off. Next thing i know i see a car that looks like mine taking off . My cousins Luis and Melissa were sitting right next to me and were shocked that she took off like that. My cousin Luis was really upset about it for some reason and I remember saying that she probably got mad at me because I'm not sensitive enough. In the end it turns out she didn't even leave and she came back all happy because her husband Richie called her and they were going to go out with a bunch of friends -_- (pretty lame dream I know)

Later I was at The piñata house and Ivan my cousin was drinking a 211 and I told him to Let me have one. we both were having a good time till I sensed one of my parents was going to come up and get made at me or make me feel like I'm a low life for drinking so I ran to his room to hide my beer by shoving it under some covers and of course my mom burned me and was telling my I was all drunk and couldn't even hide my beer right cuz it almost spilled under the covers I had hidden it under. ( Another Lame Dream)

last dream I remember is hanging out with a bunch of people I knew in this weird liquor store with couches that my cats had ruined which I tried fixing by placing covers over the scratched up sides. The women from will and grace who has the high pitched voice was there and we knew each other for some reason and I ended up begging her for a pack of ciggerettes for some reason (even though I don't smoke em) One of the girls we were with got all jealous because of that for some unknown reason which ruined my day .Then we went outside to some crazy Yard sale that had all sorts of things and were checking out some of their couches particularly this one orange couch sitting atop some metal sculpture. anndd................... thats all I remember


MARCH 21 2011 Dreams ~

update

This house has SooooooOOOoooOOoo many memory's ! My family's going through some hard times because of some heartless soulless people( I dont think anybody cares to hear the story so I wont spread gossip) . I just wish someone could help up restore this house back to its beautiful state.Random thoughts: Its extremely late and I have the worst sleeping habits ever!!! Im going to try and not sleep at all tonight so hopefully I can set my schedule straight. I doubt I'm going to be able to do it though -_-

p.s. i just noticed theres barbecue sauce on my key board T-T

So Ive been thinking what the purpose of this whole writing blog thing is and I have yet to figure it out. I guess im just bored and dont really feel like saying whats really going on in my life here or anywhere else. It seems like everyone else actually has something to offer on these blogs but I dont really have much. Im just too BLah just out of it most of the time. Maybe I'll come up with something but I'm just always occupied with other things.

random notes- School is stressful

I wish things were different There are a lot of things constantly bothering cuz of what happened to me in the past ( I wish I could erase my memory sometimes I swear! ) <<

Whats the deal with this worldd

WTf Is up with zeitgeist 3

I love my family too much it hurts I wish they could love me like I love them ,unconditionally,

despite any horrible rumors

I'm a lonley girl and sometimes I wonder if there's something wrong with that

I feel like this is pretty much a good representation of my mind right now . I dont want to sound like a downer but what can I say what can I do ,nothing but be distracted. Its not so bad just a little mundane

what the heck

check it out

A make up look inspired by a shirt I have. =^_^=

update

(My beautiful family)

New years was amazing, Christmas was also amazing... and now the moments are also amazing as well lol. for now everything's okay. The future brings worries, but the future doesn't exist right now.
(Best part of Christmas- Kissing Robert <3)



Today I finally got a job. Although I wont be getting paid in cash yet, I have high hopes for the future to bring good things. I'm still trying by best to stay on a positive perspective of the opportunities and possibilities that I could experience in the near future. I want to be at a point where I'm not trying I'm just doing. You know that feeling, just being in the flow of the universe, happiness, and bliss.

You know what I hate ? Jealousy.

death

Today a lot of the issues have been stressing me out. I have one dog and two cats that I have had since I was 12 years old. (Molly, Flash, and Daisy)

I'm 20 years old now and after I met my boyfriend I took it upon myself to rescue one of his cats from the street. She was extremely emaciated and needed help or she definitely was going to die. Everything was going fine but then she had kittens and a whole other problem came in. We were only able to give 3 away to homes and we were left with one. I recently moved out of my moms house to a place where, of course, not many pets are allowed. Plus the house is too small to have that many pets. We took my boyfriends cat and the kitten with us, (Kitty and Mugwai, who has grown a lot bigger than his mom)

my cats stay with my mom and my dog stays with my uncle, who lives on the first floor of where my mom lives. Molly my dog is going to be 11 years old and her health is not very good. She has arthritis and I've been buying her medicine and food to help her. My uncle has been neglecting her and shes been depressed. I left her with my uncle because I was under the impression that she was happiest with him. She always cries to be with him and its hard for my mom to keep her upstairs with her. I want to find a home for her or something but I just don't know whats going to happen. I wish I could just have a big enough house where I could take all my pets and give them the best life possible. I want to find a bigger place and stop having to worry about their health and happiness. I feel guilty because i sometimes feel as though I left them behind. I just want them to be happy and I want to have everything that will let me do anything I can for their happiness. I want to give them the best life for the remainder of their years.

Tuesday

Last night I had a dream I went to a gig at my cousins house (which is what I really ended up doing in real life today). It turned into a nightmare because 2 of their dogs and my cousins girlfriend started bleeding all over the place. It was horrible.


Synchronizations today: My dream came true, Micheal Jackson fbi files released on the news right after I was asking Ivan about it , Ivan and the doors, comedian who jokes about how weed makes your life better, Found the ikea stickers that I've been wanting at Saint Vincents for less than a 1$ brand new , etc....(I just like to note weird coincidences.)

I got a set of 4 worth about 16$ for less than 1$ at st. Vincents ^_^ score!!!


Highlights of today: It was Roberts day off today so this morning was thee best. Waking up with the love of my life is always the greatest part of my day. We went to saint Vincents De Paul and goodwill and got the best deals ever. We only spent 20$ for 4 bags full of the bombest things ever. I was able to score everything I wanted. I never would have guessed I would find all that stuff there and some of it was still brand new.

Biggest highlights today= Seeing a ufo when coming back home today. The feeling of shock when I saw it was strong.

And kissing Robert goodnight. ^-^

Hmmm. today is the beginning of winter soltice which means its the darkest day of the year.

Lately my mind has been bothering me. My thoughts have been clouding the beauty in the days.



Things i hate about myself.
1.) I'm insecure w/ how people perceive me
2.) I worry about how I will feel when the people i love will die
3.) I always think about situations that scare and worry me
4.) I just don't now why i cant be happy sometimes



Things i love about myself.
1.) my ability to see the bigger picture
2.) Being blessed with having a family who loves me
3.) my music
4.) my mind
5.) my art
6.)my humor
7.) my dreams
8.) my passion to love





what keeps me calm at night is remembering the good things. its all about remembering

Dreams of last night

Oh my god welcome to the world of the craziness in Sen's mind. It's very embarrassing to actually write down everything that happens in my dreams so I might cut some of it out until I get more comfortable writing stuff like this on the internet. So last night I had the weirdest dream. I had just watched Naruto and was thinking about fatal frame before I went to sleep so what do you know lol I had dreams related to those topics. I cant remember everything exactly but all I know is a lot of people got killed in order to change the breakfast menu to include eggs and sausage. That part of the dream wasn't very important though, but I remember my dad telling me thats why everyone died, and I was thinking that's kinda like what happened in that episode of Naruto where Itachi killed everyone in his village. ( Itachi is Sasuke's older brother in the anime Naruto. Pretty bomb anime I'd recommend to anyone.) Any ways, after that it was time to go to sleep. I was all of a sudden in my old house and for some reason Robert (my boyfriend) didn't want to sleep with me in my room. Instead he wanted to sleep in the living room with my cousin and my brother which made me very upset.
Then the dream fast forwarded and I remember thinking that I was in a bunk bed and he was sleeping on the bottom of me. I kept on trying to get up and go to the bottom of the bed to talk to him but for some reason I kept on waking up. I was trying my hardest not to fall back asleep and to get up and talk to him. For some reason when I was awake I still thought that the dream was real and that Robert was sleeping below me. I felt as though he hadn't slept with me the whole night. I was extremely confused as to what was reality. After I came close to remembering I would fall back asleep and be in the reality of the dream again. I was struggling so much to just talk to him that my dream all of a sudden turned into a nightmare. I was in the scariest part of the horror game fatal frame running away with Robert from the most horrible looking ghosts. I had always hoped I would never have a nightmare about that.

(This is kinda what the ghost looked like)


(This is the room I was in and this is the ghost in the game that I was running from but I couldn't find the picture where you can see what she really looks like when you fight her.)

hi

I live right next to Downtown Los Angeles. My life is pretty crazy and keeps me entertained in quirky ways. Today was a regular day. I just decided to start this blog website because I just want to have a way of connecting myself with others through as many outlets I can find. I'm not the best writer and rarely am able to keep up with things like this but I always just want to try it out. Who knows maybe this time this blog thing can work out. Anyways if your reading this it was nice getting to connect with you =).

Tomorrows another day in the like of Sen. I guess you could say I have an average life. I wake up in the mornings, feed a angry little trouble maker Mugwai and kitty, (Yes, he looks all innocent in this picture, but looks can be deceiving lol just kidding I love him, but he does love to bother me.)


turn on the computer and check all my"mail", I research stuff, clean, wait for Robert to get home, play video games watch movies, and go on secrete adventures =P. I'm Pretty normal.. I think? . Although people always tell me I'm weird so I maybe what I think is normal is probably way off.

My plan is to be able to look at this blog in the future and be at a point in my life where I can laugh because of how much I accomplished. I don't know if that made sense but anyways my goal in the future is to be famous ^_^. I don't know if that's an absurd dream but it seems like a fun challenge to try out. I just want to meet people and learn things and connect more. I want to give more and be able to show my love more. I will admit I do have funny interests that really no one would ever guess. Most of the time I keep my thoughts to myself because I don't want people to think I'm crazy. However I have come to a point where I really just feel that people actually like to hear my craziness for some odd reason lol. Forgive me if I'm boring you if your still reading all this. I guess I'm going to go to bed now. Thanks, I send all the love and light your way its the least I can do for taking some of your time.

Goodnight.




Memory's of the day: stomach aches =( , bank troubles, and the love of my life Robert by my side making all the worries of my day go away xoxoxo

To do list: Continue blog.

Video guaranteed to make you laugh:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BJYCp8I9qUs&feature=PlayList&p=51F793CB8107CCF4&index=41

(one of my hobbies is always finding the best videos the internet has to offer and sharing it with everyone I know so check out the link. I BET your going to laugh. =P enjoy..)